STRAY CHILD
by Seraph Evelyn Aria
Summary: Hidan has had his fill of women, especially 'SINS"... but can one fateful meeting change his outlook on life? DISCLAIMER IS ON PROFILE.
1. intro

**DISCLAIMER IS ON PROFILE. PLEASE READ.**

 _ **BE WARNED OF FOUL LANGUAGE.**_

 _ **I OWN POISON, RANCOR, BILE, ENMITY, LEWD, BARBARELLA, BELLADONNA AND CARNALITY. IAMENVIOUS OWNS JASH, AKA "NEW" MALICE (BECAUSE I OWNED THE OLD ONE THAT WAS DESTROYED), AND MIMI (WHO IS HIDAN'S SISTER, THEIR PARENTS BEING HILD (FROM AH-MY GODDESS) AND JIRO).**_

 _ **THIS IS AN AU STORY.**_

* * *

 **introduction/timeline**

Hidan was unlucky in love, he has had the worst relationship experiences out of all the Akatsuki thus far. It was by far insufferable to be the weakest of the Akatsuki members, but it was far worse to be the one with the most failed relationships.

First there was Lust. In the beginning he thought that they had hit it off pretty well - at first, but once Jash and Bile were born she had moved on from Hidan and had begun stabbing him repeatedly and mercilessly in the process of pushing him away. At first he thought her stabbing him with her fingers was merely foreplay, because he likes ruthless women, but eventually he got the point that she was giving him - and indeed she did...literally, ouch! She had begotten their son, Jash, who had his mother's black hair, chin and lips. Lust had grown tired of Hidan, perhaps because he was such a poor father figure to their son. She had also taken a love interest in Bile, whom she had helped raise.

LUST NOW GOES BY THE CODE WORD "RAGE", WHILE HIDAN IS NOW KNOWN AS "LUST". The name also given to her is Solaris.

Second, there was Rancor... She had his son, Bile, but his competitor was Yahiko, whom she loved dearly. Hidan would not dream of challenging him, not even for the rights to raise his second son. Bile looked so much like his mother, only his hair was gelled back. Bile was also the avatar form of Jashin, lucky Hidan. Rancor also had many lovers and children with those lovers, she was an alien shape shifter who gave the name "Debauchery" to Yahiko who in turn made her be his main squeeze, not Konan.

Then there was Anastasia, twin to Aiko, both Deidara's and Rancor's daughter. Ana for short, also known as "Lewd", she was a exhibitionist and often a nudist like Hidan. What they had was a summer fling, the romance shortly lived and it would have been forgotten if she had not given him twin girls Belladonna and Barbarella. Hidan did not get to raise the girls either, not really...his little sister, Mimi, had taken his place as co-parent. Mimi was Lewd's wife.

He had a one night stand with Konan, likewise it did not blossom into anything he had hoped it had.

 _The same went for an almost random stripper. He found out that she was married with two kids._

Deidara's younger sister, Winry, was another one night stand - correction, almost a one night stand because they were both drunk.

Enmity, also known as Akasha, was the daughter of both Yahiko and Rancor, she gave up on him because of the following person...

And finally, there was Carnality, also known by her stripper name, Purple Haze. Their relationship lasted for nearly a century. The sex was good, but never satisfying. Hidan was not himself in that relationship, him doing his best to seem normal for her. He did his best to keep the relationship going, not wanting their ship to sink like all the other relationships. But what ended it was not the fact she refused to have his kids nor her disrespecting him even though he tried so hard to please her... NO, what ended their relationship was that Hidan gathered the nerve to ask her to marry him. She said "no" and left him after that. Hidan realized then that he had been used for nearly a hundred years by one woman. She had left him for Konan.

Hidan decided to stay single after that for nearly half a century...

* * *

 **THANK YOU FOR READING...**

 **IF YOU ARE INTERESTED TO KNOW, WE ROLEPLAYED THESE PAIRINGS AND THEY HAD ALL ENDED DOWN THE DRAIN. MOST CHARACTERS LASTED WITH ONE PERSON, AT LEAST THAT, THAT THEY HAD ENDED UP BEING PERMANENTLY PAIRED OFF...BUT NOT HIDAN.**

 **WILL HIDAN FIND LOVE? OR IS HE DOOMED TO BE FOREVER ALONE? STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT.**


	2. Chapter 1

**_Skin-walker:_** is a harmful person who possesses supernatural abilities to change into anything whom or what he or she pleases. They frequently appear as coyotes, wolves, foxes, owls, eagles, or crows. A skinwalker can also "steal" the faces of different people and can appear as anyone you know. If you lock eyes with one, they can absorb themselves into you and take control of your actions. They can enchant the powder of corpses and use the substance as a poison on their victims. Skinwalkers are born witches with supernatural powers and are taught black magic, who are evil in nature. Skinwalkers live nearby or hang around graves. Skinwalkers not only dig up graves relatively fast, but also can run for over 200 miles in one evening. Skinwalkers enchant dead people's jewelry by breathing in said jewelry. Skinwalkers collect souls.

* * *

She called herself Clarissa... but she had another name that was lost a long time ago, for good reasons, it was best not to be said. She had known Rancor over 400 years ago, way before the akatsuki came into the picture, and had gain immortality as a gift from Rancor herself.

Clarissa's sin name was... "Poison."

And funny how things work out.

She was back in Rancor's presence. Under the same roof.

"Hey newbie. You got a name?" Deidara asked Clarissa. His baby blues eyeing her curiously.

She eyed him and tried to answer him carefully. "Clarissa...but I'm Claire for short. Sometimes I'm called Poison."

"And you're here because...?" Deidara asked while yawning.

"I know Rancor, she is a very very old friend of mine." Clarissa answered.

"Is that right?" Pein (Yahiko) mused, having heard her. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Yahiko. Rancor's husband of nearly two centuries."

"I've known her over five centuries." Clarissa replied.

"Oh? I hope you feel welcome here." Pein said to her.

Then Hidan came in the room, "Morning Pein in the ass. Deidara."

It was late at night.

Clarissa currently looked like Pocahontas from old the sketch art.

"Hey, you Indian or something?" Hidan asked, " like that fucking Disney movie?"

"I have blonde hair and this image you see before you is stolen." Clarissa answered.

Hidan raised a eyebrow, "Oh yeah? Are you related to Deidara then?"

"No." Clarissa answered.

"Are you going to fuck him?" Hidan asked.

And got smacked with a newspaper.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" Deidara defended himself. "I just met her!"

"Indeed, we've just met and first impressions weren't up to par."

Deidara blinked and then frowned, "I wasn't impressed with you either."

"You're just rude." Clarissa locked eyes with him.

Deidara lost control of his body and began punching himself in the nethers.

"Deidara, are you okay?" Pein asked, worried.

Deidara kept punching himself in the dįck over and over again.

"Deidara! Stop!" Pein said before tackling him down and the beating stopped.

"Pein...you mind getting off?"

Clarissa moved on from them.

Hidan followed her, "Hey, did you do that back there?"

"And what if I did?" She spun around and looked at him.

Hidan grinned, "That was fucking hilarious if that was you."

Clarissa smirked. "Aye. I did it."

Hidan smiled some more, "I like you."

"And why should I care?" She asked coolly.

Hidan chuckled, "You're a real pistol huh?"

Clarissa smiled. "Maybe I am. What are you going to-"

Rancor came her way. "Poison!"

Clarissa smiled down at Rancor genuinely, Rancor being in feline form. "Hey, Rancor!"

Hidan grabbed Clarissa, "You didn't tell me anything. You can talk to her later."

"Hmmm. Aren't you real smooth." Clarissa smiled somewhat, a little turned on by his assertiveness.

"Wait...you're buying this? Of course you are. Cause I'm the shit!"

Hidan grinned, and leaned against the wall, grinning.

"Mmmm, well, you are quite a stud." Clarissa commented.

Hidan winked at her, "You ain't bad yourself."

"You don't even know what I really look like, bone-daddy." Clarissa answered back.

"Wait, are you talking about your birthday suit? You're right . I don't."

"I can change into anything or anyone I desire." Clarissa smirked. "I haven't been in my true form in a long while."

"So, you're like Envy. A shape shifter."

"Something of the sort but not quite like him."

Hidan blinked," I don't get it. Can you show me?"

"I'm not a huge monster like him."

"I kinda figured that. Can you show me?"

She changed into a blonde bombshell of a vixen, like a woman straight out of fantasy. "This is what I really look like, or close to it."

Hidan's mouth dropped." Hot damn..."

"I normally don't use my original form."

"Will you go out with me?" Hidan asked Clarissa.

"Why would you ask me that?" Clarissa asked him in return.

"I'm not the best at love. Ask around. I feel you're my last chance at love."

"I'm dangerous. How do you know that I won't curse you or steal your soul?" Clarissa asked.

"I don't, but then again if you wanted to you wouldn't have told me what you are capable of." Hidan pointed out.

"You have me there." Clarissa replied.

Hidan nodded, "So...what do you like to do for a first date?"

"Go grave digging."

"There's a cemetery not too far from here." Hidan told Clarissa.

"Then let's go there." Clarissa replied.

"Alright. Let me find my keys." Hidan says. "...Be right back."

Clarissa waited there for his return.

Hidan returned a minute later, "Ready to go? And we are going to get some shovels from the local Wal Mart."

"Sounds good to me."

Hidan's car was a red GTO.

Opening the passenger door for Clarissa, "Ladies first."

Clarissa smiled and got in.

Hidan closed the door and climbed in the drivers seat. "So...are we looking for a fresh grave?"

"Yes." She then added; "To control their ghost and also make my mummy dust."

Hidan blinked," Your mummy?"

"It's a poison I create." Clarissa replied. "I use the powder of corpses."

"Fucking sweet."

"We need a fresh new corpse. That's step number one."

Hidan nodded as he drove, "I heard that."

"Are you sure you can stomach this?"

"Yeah."

"We'll see. Perhaps we need a newspaper for the obituaries."

"Pffft. Lets just look around for graves."

"That will take hours."

"Well, yeah. But -you're right. You read. I ain't much of a reader."

"That's alright. I'll read."

Hidan blushed," I watch the news. Just not a fan of reading unless its magazines."

"Let me guess, pøŕn?"

"Only the best. Hustler. Playboy."

"I heard that playboy doesn't make anymore magazines." Clarissa replied.

"I have old issues." Hidan stated.

"So you have collectors issues now."

Hidan nodded, "Took some from the guy you made him hit himself in the nuts."

"Ahhh... is he your friend?"

Hidan nodded, "Yeah, he is. Best friend. Have been as long as I known him, I was not much older when we first met. I thought at first glance he was a girl."

"He doesn't look like a girl to me...is it the long, blonde hair? Or the eyeliner?"

"His long hair confused most at first glance."

"Aaah... let me guess, a view from behind? I don't see him as a lady... The shape of his face is masculine."

"You're the first to ever say that to me."

"His facial structures like his jawline is a dead giveaway, let alone his hands." Clarissa enlightened.

"Never noticed before."

"These days sometimes it can be difficult to tell who is whatever səx. So, don't feel bad about it."

Hidan nodded,pulling in a gas station." There's a newsstand inside."

Clarissa got out and went in to get and pay for a newspaper. She walked out with the newspaper and got back into Hidan's car.

"Any recent funerals?" Hidan asked as he drove them to a local retailer.

"Getting to that."

"Alright."

"Here's one at Lovett Cemetery. His name is James Pittsfield."

Hidan pulled the car into drive," I know that place. Lets go."

They went to the back of smart where it is the garden and yard of the store.

And grabbed two shovels and there was a single cashier at the register." Have everything you need?"

"Yes."

She rang them up to a even twelve foror each shovel... so it is $24.56.

Hidan paid twenty five and they left." Keep the change."

Clarissa smiled, thinking to herself about how interested he is in this.

Hidan saw the smile, "You have a nice smile."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, toots."

They put the shovels in the back and got in the car.

Hidan drove them to the cemetery.

He rammed through the locked gate and parked the car further in. They walked to where the new burial was located based on Clarissa's directions.

"Love the smell of dirt." Hidan said, getting the shovels from the trunk

Clarissa grinned as she was handed the shovel. "Let's go back for Jim."

Hidan nodded," Ladies first."

They began looking for James Pittsfield.

Hidan tapped her shoulder, "Think I found him."

They gather around James' grave.

"Great job. Now let's dig him up quickly."

Hidan nodded, placing a foot on the shovel.

To his surprise, Clarissa proved herself to be a fast digger. She reached the casket in under thirty minutes of time. Noticing that the casket was in a concrete vault, she broke it into rubble, the rubble became fine dust.

"Damn. I'm impressed and I don't impress easily." Hidan told her, dusting Clarissa off.

"Thanks... I'm going to get him out of there."

"How? Pinocchio isn't here to move him."

Clarissa transformed into a solid black monster with long limbs and tentacles, she opened the casket and pulled his body out of the grave.

Hidan watched with interest, trembling with excitement. "God damn...I think I'm in love."

Clarissa dragged the body and forced it into the trunk, despite rigor mortis. She then shove the dirt back into the hole.

She filled the hole and transformed back into a beautiful blonde and got into the car.

Hidan shove the shovels back into the trunk, then got into the drivers seat.

"That was fun." Hidan exclaimed," watching you before and after gave me goose bumps. Feel my arms."

Clarissa touched and felt his arm. "Were you terrified?"

"I'm excited." Hidan smiled.

"Hmmm. I see." Clarissa smiled. "I have to cremate this fųcker. All clothes and jewelry must be taken off first."

Hidan nodded," You swear too? I like you more and more."

Grabbing the man's jewelry off." Bet I can get a few bucks for this. You want beer?"

He said when after having opened the trunk, then had set the dead body in.

"Yes, I would like that." Clarissa smiled at him. "Allow me to curse the jewelry before you sell it."

Hidan handed the rings to her. "What are you going to do? Give the bastard who buys them pimples? Warts? VD?"

"Ruin his life."

"Finances or health?"

"Both, and more."

"Explain. I find this fascinating."

"We'll, I'll breathe into his ring. Once I am finished, you can sell it. The person who buys it will have a series of terrible circumstances. It depends upon the circumstances of his life. He'll lose everything and once he dies, his soul is mine."

"Damn, you got to be the sexiest woman ever."

"Really?"

"I ain't lying. I think you are."

"Well, thank you. I think you're sexy, too."

Hidan blushed, "Are you fucking serious?"

Clarissa blushed as well. "Yes."

"After you're done...want to go on a date?" Hidan asked her as they both got into his GTO.

Clarissa thought about it. "Yes."

"Sweet. Where would you like to go? I ask because last time I decided, it didn't go too well."

"What do you mean?"

"I took her to Burger King and it went down hill from there."

"Who was this?"

"My ex wife."

"You're frugal with your money, yes?" Clarissa asked him.

"I don't like spending too much for fancy meals and shit. Unless it's our fucking anniversary or your birthday."

"Ahhh. You must have some Leo. How about this, we'll go to Burger King and you order me a whopper?" Clarissa suggested.

"Okay and yeah. I do have some Leo."

Clarissa smiled. "It's the thought that counts."

Hidan smiled, "I like you more and more. I'm feeling generous. I'll treat you to a double whopper combo."

"Okay. Sounds great."

Hidan grabbed her hand, "It's just a block or two."

"So, let's go to Burger King."

Hidan drove them there. After he parked and turned off the engine, they got out.

Clarissa took him by the arm, her's looped around his.

Hidan slid his free hand to her rear.

"My, my... aren't you bold." Clarissa smiled.

Hidan just grinned.

Clarissa spanked him on the ąss.

Hidan jumped. "Hey!" His voice jovial and light.

Clarissa giggled in a cackling way.

"You got a nice laugh." Hidan smiled.

"I laugh in different ways." Clarissa answered. "I'm a witch after all."

"Yeah? What's you real laugh sound like?"

"Depends on my mood."

"I gotcha." Hidan nodded.

"I work as a psychic and own a 'wiccan' candle shop." Clarissa told him. "I do sell charms and spell casting kits and altars and the like."

"Oh. That's fucking awesome."

"I sell such items to get by, but real magic is black magick." Clarissa smiled. "I'm a Satanist."

"Sweet. Damn girl, I think I love you."

"I achieved godhead a very long time ago. I've been hiding out ever since."

"I'm partially immortal myself."

"Really? Do you have a sin name? Rancor gives them out like candy."

"I'm Lust." Hidan nodded, "You're right. She does."

"You've been named as one of the Major sins." Clarissa smiled. "I'm Poison."

"Nice. And it suits you."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. You're deadly. And pretty damn hot."

Clarissa leaned against him as they walked.

Hidan wrapped his arm around her waist.

They made it to Burger King.

"What can i get you?" The girl behind the counter asked.

"A double whopper combo ..make that two." Hidan told her.

The employee ranged it up and smiled. "That will be 10.78."

Hidan paid and goth change back.

Handing Clarissa her cup." Here babe."

Clarissa took the cup and filled it with ice. "What do you drink? I'M going to get cherry Dr. Pepper."

"Deidara got me on original Dr. Pepper."

"Ahh." Clarissa filled her glass.

Hidan filled his cup." I used to drink Pepsi."

"I like Pepsi. Why stop drinking it?"

They're really drinking Dr. Pibb. Nothing but Coke products.

"Who said I stopped? I still drink it. Whenever I'm out of DP. I go back to Pepsi."

"Oh, okay."

Hidan nodded, filling his cup with Coke, so did Clarissa.

After that, they waited for their hamburgers which didn't take too long. They picked a table and sat across from each other.

"So..., what's your story?" Hidan asked Clarissa.

"I was born and raised in Sweden. I came to America after the Vikings, and had existed way before they did. My mother was the head witch. I hid from those who sought to torture me then burn me at the stake. I lived through dark times... but I met Rancor who prolonged my life without me kidnapping children to suck them of their life force."

"Oh. That sounds fucking awesome. So, your older than you look. And so far I like what I see and am impressed by what the shit you did. The praying alien mantis. The digging. "

"So, tell me about yourself, Hidan." Clarissa smiled.

"Let's see...I grew up in a ninja village that became a tourist attraction. Bunch of hot springs. Joined the Akatsuki when I was barely eighteen. Paired up with Kakuzu, died at the hands of a asshole named after deer corn. Was revived and given a second chance by Rancor and fell in love with a sadistic woman who grew tired of me. Had a couple of sons. Divorced Rage and she is happily married to my younger son Bile. Spend years alone until I hooked ip with another ex. And stayed single all these years and now I see you."

"Wow... hmmm. Well, I'm single myself. I had sex with demons to help me boost my power, but I've never had a relationship with anyone. No one seemed to be of my interest that was single like me."

"Really? I think you're interesting."

"Thank you." Clarissa blushed.

Hidan smiled, "Nice shade of red."

"Let's eat."

Hidan nodded, "Smells good to me."

"Mhmmm."

Hidan unwrapped his burger and removed the onions. "Fucking hate those things."

"Vampires hate them too." Clarissa stated after peeling her onions off, taking a bite of her hamburger.

"Yeah? Well I drink blood now and then."

"So, you're a vampire?"

"I drink to transform...so yeah."

"What do you transform into?" Clarissa asked.

"Give me your hand." Hidan said.

Clarissa did so.

Hidan pulled out a switchblade and cut her hand, licked her open wound and transformed to a black and white skeleton like angel of death.

Clarissa suddenly leaned over and kissed Hidan unexpectedly.

Hidan changed back. "Nice kiss."

Blushing as he sipped his drink.

Clarissa wondered if she had done wrong. "Was it too soon?"

"No, not at all. I liked it."

"Good." She leaned over the table again for a kiss. She kissed his lips sensually.

Hidan licked her lips and slid his tongue in.

Clarissa rolled her tongue against his tongue.

Hidan slowly pulled back, "Nice kiss. Back to our burgers."

Clarissa ate her burger in under five minutes.

"You got a good appetite."

Clarissa nodded.

" I like that in a woman."

Clarissa began eating on her fries. "What else do you like?"

"Metal. Horror movies. Violent games. What about you? What does Clarissa like?"

"I like metal myself, no chick flicks... horror movies aren't scary anymore but I do watch them for a laugh."

"Yeah, like Freddy. He's a comedian. I do like Rob Zombie's movies. Great for a laugh. Love the violent characters in those movies."

Clarissa nodded.

"What else do you like?"

"Spikes, chains, leather... bdsm."

"You're the girl of my dreams."

"I like to be dominated but I also like to dominate." Clarissa replied.

"Okay, I appreciate you telling me. Hell, you're my kind of woman." Hidan blushed.

"Most are scared of me. I've not been able to fully express myself for more than a lifetime to anyone."

"I ain't. I find you fascinating." Hidan winked at Clarissa.

* * *

 _ **THANKS FOR READING... MORE COMING SOON... IF YOU WISH IT.**_


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